Provision ... Why Am I Surprised?

You've done it again, Lord, and again I am surprised.  I don't know why I continue to be surprised when the Lord provides for me and those around me.  Maybe it isn't that He did it, but how He did it.  Let me fill you in on my last few days...

I am part of a Christian trio known as The Scarlet Chord.  We sing where ever we are called to minister, and love doing it.  One of the girls in the group is married to a man who makes pottery as a hobby.  He also uses his pottery as a ministry, and we usually go along to accompany his ministry with song when he is busy actually making something on the wheel.  The Pottery Wheel ministry took place last night (Friday).  On Thursday, I realized I was coming down with a sinus infection causing a sore throat - OH NO!  I went to the doctor Friday morning, and got antibiotics, but I was not going to be 100% by that evening.

I called Kelley, the potter's wife, to let her know.  I wasn't cancelling - I knew we were called to do this ministry - but one of the songs we planned to sing was primarily carried by me, so we had to brainstorm.  Kelley called me back that afternoon to let me know that the Lord had been telling her for a couple weeks to sing a solo, but she had been fighting it.  She would substitute her solo for my song.  I guess the Lord will have His way even if He has to make me sick to do it - Thanks, Kel!!  :D

Talking to Vivian, the other member of the group, later that evening, she confessed having a very bad attitude going into the ministry.  A very traumatic experience from her past was keeping her from having her heart in the right place as we started.  By the end of the evening, Billy's (he's the potter if you haven't figured that out) message actually spoke to her, and the Lord set her free from an experience that had haunted her for years.  We had gone to minister, and had been ministered to in the process - You sure are sneaky sometimes, Lord!

So here we come, a broken group of sinners saved by grace, to show God's love and share His message with a group of men.  Billy's focal passage was Mark 10:27 "... with man it is impossible, but with God all things are possible."  Boy is it ever!  Half of our group was not up to par with my physical issues, and Vivian's spiritual/emotional issues, but God found strength in our weaknesses.  He provided healing for Viv, and strengthened my voice so that no one could tell I was ill when singing.  And you know what, God used this rag tag bunch to help bring a lost soul the final few steps to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ.  That's right, even our imperfections couldn't stop God from calling this new brother to himself last night.  It was his first day with the group, and God made sure he was there to hear a lesson that would speak to his heart.  Lord, I'm starting to see that You really meant it when you said "exceedingly, abundantly".

I know that sounds like more than enough (and really it is!), but the provision kept coming!  On the way home, Vivian shared how the Lord had provided freedom from another situation in her life during a Bible study earlier this week.  This revelation opened the door for the healing that took place last night.  God had prepared the way - You always know the right thing for us, Lord.

We moved on to more inconsequential conversation which led to Viv mentioning her mandolin (not the musical instrument, but the slicing/grating kitchen tool).  Now I have wanted one for a long time, but couldn't justify the cost when I have perfectly good (and very sharp) knives and a grater (or two).  *sigh*    Well, Brenna had to be at church early this morning for GA camp, so I decided to go yard sale shopping after dropping her off.  What should I find at my first stop, but an almost (if not) brand new mandolin for $15.  After some conversation, and peeking at my cute baby, the lady took $10 for it!!  Lord, you know the desires of my heart, and provide even more than just my needs - thank You!

Now here's the icing on the cake - I have felt convicted lately about not being more consistent with my quiet time and devotions and not making sure my daughter was doing the same.  I have been wondering how to institute a family quiet time, or at least something consistent.  Today, I read an article from my Parent Life magazine on just that - another provision.  Even when I think it is something that is probably inconsequential to You, You show me just how important I am, and how involved You want to be in my life - I don't deserve You, Lord, but I'm glad I have You!

So many big and small examples of just how much God loves me and provides for me in such a short time.  I wonder how many other things happen each day that I don't take notice of?

I'm sorry for not giving you credit where it due, Lord.  I thank You for providing for me each and every day, and especially for providing a way for me to have a relationship with You.  I never could have reached You in my own power, so You were willing to rescue me - even when I hated You.  And because you conquered death, I don't need to fear it, but can look forward to that day as a homecoming.  That is more than enough, but You choose to be personally involved in the minute details of my daily life.  With God all things are possible - keep on surprising me, Lord.

Milestones

It is a week of milestones at my house.  This week, my son has begun learning to walk, and my daughter has learned to ride her bicycle without the training wheels.  Wow!  The time sure does fly by.  As I cheer on my children and burst with pride each time they get up and try again after falling, I can't help but but feel wistful.  I want them to grow and learn and try new things as they move into new stages of their lives, but I will also miss the stages they are leaving behind.

I had the thought that I need to video Seth crawling down the hall, playing "chase" before he stops doing it altogether.  Soon, he will master walking, and not resort to crawling to get to his destination.  I need to get pictures of Brenna before she isn't so little anymore.  She is already so much her own person, and seems to NEED me less and less each day.

As a parent, these moves toward independence are wonderfully scary.  They show that I am doing something right, but did I do enough?  In reality, I don't think it is their preparedness that is the problem, but mine.  I want to cling to what is known.  I just started mastering the stages they are leaving, and now I have to start all over again!

Another milestone that I'll reach this year is my 10 year wedding anniversary.  I am lucky that I am not facing all these transitions alone - I have so many friends who are.  I have been blessed with someone who loves these kids every bit as much as I do.  He is their helper and cheerleader, too.  And he'll miss these days as much as I will when they are past.  Lord willing, we will still have each other and all these great memories to share.

So I guess I'll just sit back and watch my children continue the journey to becoming the individuals they were meant to be, and be thankful that I was allowed to be a part of the journey.

A Sweet, Sweet Sound...

There is nothing sweeter to my ear than to hear my children laughing and playing together.  They truly do love each other and enjoy one another's company.  The "warm fuzzies" just well up in my heart, and my love for these two little people grows a little more (if that is even possible)!  You just can't beat the sound of baby belly laughs and little girl giggles while both of them squeal with delight.

I think God must feel the same way when we come together to worship Him, and work together for His purposes.  I'm guessing there is no sweeter sound to His ear than the praise of His people when they work together in harmony.  Luckily, He just asks for a Joyful Noise - which means we are all included.  Sometimes my kids at play sounds more like a demolition, than a symphony - and that's okay.

Now, don't start thinking that I have perfect kids (HA!) or am delusional (which is questionable sometimes - I admit).  They are still quite young (my son isn't even 1 year old yet) and "new" to each other.  Even so, they have their moments - like when my daughter is trying to do homework in the floor, and my son just wants her papers!  All is not well between them in times like those, and I know as they get older the conflicts will increase (I do have friends with multiple kids, and am not too old to remember my own childhood).  So I try to remember to soak up the happiness while it is here.

As God's children, we don't always see eye to eye either.  He must get so exasperated with us.  How far are we from the days of "He's on my side of the seat"?  How about the "His new ideas are stepping on my toes, and this has been MY ministry".  Ouch!   We aren't perfect children, and sometimes we need to be disciplined.  Luckily, we have a loving Father who disciplines in love and extends mercy where needed.  He keeps no record of wrong, but does remember the sweet sound of our praise when we have our hearts in the right place.

As we near Easter, and celebrate the culmination of God's greatest plan - birthed out of his greatest love, let's set aside our differences and go back to the "love of our youth".  Let's remember the sweet feeling of being an adored child.  Let's warm the Lord's heart with the sound of his children loving each other and enjoying being together.  Let's show our love for one another, and lift up a sweet, sweet sound (even if it is a joyful noise) together.

So what's the plan?

People are usually quite sympathetic when they hear that I recently lost my job and am looking for another.  These days we all know someone (or have been someone) in the same position.  What is surprising is the reaction I get to my response.  Most are surprised, and encouraged by a viewpoint they obviously weren't expecting.  I wonder why?

My response is this:  I count it a blessing.  God must want me to be home with my family right now.  My son will only live the first year of his life once, and I'll be here to see him reach so many of those early milestones.  (He just started walking last night!).  My daughter is still learning how to navigate school and homework, and I am here to help her work through her experiences.  My husband works hard everyday, and I am here to take some of the burden of the household issues away.  Don't get me wrong, I still search for a job every day.  But for right now, I know I am where I need to be, and when it is time for me to financially help support my family again, the Lord will send the right job my way.  He will work it all out in His time, and I can have peace knowing I am in the center of His will now.

This kind of response should be "standard" for believers, but sometimes it isn't.  We're not perfect.  We still sin.  I'm not perfect.  I didn't walk out of the office for the last time with this mindset.  I was upset, even a little angry, and hurt.  My ego took a hit that day, but when I took the situation to Jesus, He wiped away my tears, and reminded me that my ways aren't always His ways.  He has a plan for me that is not necessarily my plan, but it is a better plan - one to offer me a future and a hope.

I am so thankful for the past few months of getting to be "just" a wife and mother.  God took something that the devil would use to harm me, and brought so much good from it.  So, I'll just rest in His plan, and take this day by day.  So far, it's been an adventure beyond my wildest dreams!

"What did you do today?"

This is an almost daily question from my husband.  Considering how busy I am, I sometimes think "Can't you look around and tell?"  Then I realized that maybe it wasn't so obvious.   Like any mom, I am forced to multi-task, and I can, but I personally work best when I can focus on one thing at a time.  So, if my big accomplishment was looking for a job and vacuuming, and the kids have played since I vacuumed, the house doesn't look very different.  Same for dusting and countless other "chores" I do during the day.  By focusing on one chore at a time, the rest of the mess is still there, and it looks (and feels) like I haven't accomplished much of anything.  No wonder he wonders what I do!

Luckily, a very wise friend told me that when she was a stay-at-home mom she would concentrate on one room at a time.  That way she could see a difference, and felt like she accomplished something.  She also shared that her husband didn't have the same expectations of her that she had.  He just wanted a hot meal, a clean place to sit, and a happy wife.  Whew!  Here I was trying to have a clean, picture-perfect house, fix a hot meal, find a job, and keep the kids happy - I wasn't delivering on those, so there wasn't a happy wife!

I am so thankful that my husband's love for me isn't contingent on my efforts for perfection - I fall so short!  I'm even more thankful that God's love for me isn't contingent on me achieving some semblance of perfection.  I'd be hopelessly lost if that were the case!  He took me "just as I am" and has been renovating ever since.  I'll just have to start working like Him - room by room.